This is going to be a short post, my moods have been taking over and not letting me write. Please stay tuned for more to come though.
Don’t you think that it is hard to write about depression? I do. I have a hard time putting to words what I want to convey without making me sound like a monster or someone who wants to hurt myself, which I have never felt that way. Here lately I have felt angry when I get depressed. Any one else feel that way?
I get into these moods where I want to do something, anything. Then the things that I wanted to do don’t interest me and I don’t want to do anything any more and I just want to be left alone but at the same time I don’t want to be left alone. No one in my family seems to understand my depression. They have seen me go through my ups and downs and know what to watch out for but never really pay attention to it and know the ques, like when I want to be with people. This past weekend, I got into the angry depression and all I wanted was to be with someone and no one wanted to be with me. But my depression doesn’t allow me to tell them what I want without busting into tears.
Yesterday I just tried to keep busy so I wouldn’t start crying for no reason. I didn’t want that. But then I didn’t want my husband to keep asking me if I was OK either, but he did. He kept asking me if I loved him and if I was sure. He kept asking if I was mad at him and all I wanted to do was yell at him to stop because all I wanted was to be with someone.
The last few weeks has been hard on me emotionally. You see, my oldest daughter was kicked out of the house a year and a half ago because of things that she wasn’t doing, and she thought she knew better than anyone else, she thought she ruled the world – just like any teenager. But she was ready to go anyway because she had her bags packed. Well this past month or so she was having some issues getting on her feet and I was trying to help her and her boyfriend out. They stayed with us for about 2 weeks until the relationship exploded and then they left. Well things went back and forth with them and she tried to kill herself because of him and she begged him to stay with her. They got into drugs or have been, I don’t know. Then she has been sick for a while and she finds out she is pregnant. My emotions are going haywire. She wants away from the relationship because she realizes that things are not good for her with him. Again, I help her out. I get her talked into moving in with my sister to start a new life, something that I have been trying to do for a long time. This past weekend she made it to my sister’s house and is in a safe place and is going to start fresh! At least that part of my depression will wane a bit and now I can focus on the home front.